How Can I get a date online?
Online dating services, once a venue only for the truly creepy, have now expanded to the point that the percentage of douchebags is approximately the same as in the normal population. Which means your chances still aren't good.
But you might just be willing to give it a shot anyway. So, how do you maximize your chances of getting a date?
The answers differ, obviously, if you are female or male. On average, girls tend to get more responses than boys so you probably have to work less hard if you're female. That said, you probably want to maximize your responses so you can pick and choose. First, accept the fact that men are pigs (if this upsets you, go stick your personal up on planetout.com). Now, the first thing to lie about is your weight. Subtract 15 lbs, and never say describe your body type as anything larger than "average." (Just remember, it's okay because the "average" American is overweight). Then, dye your hair blonde. Apparently blondes get more responses than brunettes. If you really need a date for Friday, get yourself a padded bra and make sure your photo shows your chest (but don't actually show a substantial amount of cleavage or you'll give off the "slut" vibe). What you write is relatively unimportant as long as you don't say something too stupid.
If you are male exaggerate your earnings and academic credentials. But your profile isn't so important because chances are girls aren't going to contact you anyway - it's up to you to contact them. The best way to get a girl to respond is to contact the right girl. And the right girl isn't the realllllly hot blonde with the HUGE tits because everyone with a dick is going to be lining up round the block to sniff her farts. The right girl is the one that no one else has contacted. So go for the brunettes with some meat on their bones. If you don't like fat chicks, get over it, and get laid.
Also, male or female, you should always include the most attractive picture of yourself that you can find even if it's slightly blurred from a jaunty angle. If you don't include a picture people will assume you're deformed. Make sure it's only of you in case your best friend is a hottie, and don't be making a stupid face. There's nothing more unattractive than a dude sticking his tongue out making the "two in the pink, one in the stink" sign.
But wait, what if you're gay!?!? I apologize for the hetero-normative assumptions earlier in this article. There are so many different shades of gay that it's hard to give easy advice, but lying and the picture rule still apply. Also, be sure to use a gay only website unless you get off being in threesomes with straight couples.
But you might just be willing to give it a shot anyway. So, how do you maximize your chances of getting a date?
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First of all, check your unrealistic expectations at the door. Porn stars and Texas oil billionaires do not end up on dating websites. And even if somehow they do, they're still not going to date you. No amount of lying is going to land you a date with Carmen Electra. Which isn't to say you shouldn't lie. You have to lie. Everyone on online dating websites lie, so if you give honest answers about yourself people are going to assume you're way less attractive than you actually are. But what should you lie about? |
If you are male exaggerate your earnings and academic credentials. But your profile isn't so important because chances are girls aren't going to contact you anyway - it's up to you to contact them. The best way to get a girl to respond is to contact the right girl. And the right girl isn't the realllllly hot blonde with the HUGE tits because everyone with a dick is going to be lining up round the block to sniff her farts. The right girl is the one that no one else has contacted. So go for the brunettes with some meat on their bones. If you don't like fat chicks, get over it, and get laid.
Also, male or female, you should always include the most attractive picture of yourself that you can find even if it's slightly blurred from a jaunty angle. If you don't include a picture people will assume you're deformed. Make sure it's only of you in case your best friend is a hottie, and don't be making a stupid face. There's nothing more unattractive than a dude sticking his tongue out making the "two in the pink, one in the stink" sign.
But wait, what if you're gay!?!? I apologize for the hetero-normative assumptions earlier in this article. There are so many different shades of gay that it's hard to give easy advice, but lying and the picture rule still apply. Also, be sure to use a gay only website unless you get off being in threesomes with straight couples.